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Monthly Archives: May 2012

Chrysalis of Life

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Chrysalis of Life

The idea of ‘growing up’ seemed like a phenomenon that wasn’t going to happen to me (well not for a long while).  I have solemnly sworn that I will always dance in the rain, bake cupcakes and ice them with icing that is WAY too bright,  wear bows in my hair, and talk and laugh loudly.

But without even realising it I have grown up so much.  I have matured so much so that I sometimes hardly recognise myself.  Growing is inevitable, but I guess  ‘growing up’  is dependant on our willingness to go through (situations some nice, some not so nice) and learning from them.  In overcoming many difficult challenges, I guess my maturing process was accelerated in the ‘fast track’ lane! I didn’t choose what happened to me but I could choose my attitude towards what had happened. As unsettling as change is, especially when it is unpleasant and traumatic, it is necessary in order for us to grow, and grow I certainly have!

I don’t actually like the term, ‘growing up’, I prefer words like  acquiring wisdom and maturity, gaining experience and overcoming.   So yes, in the chrysalis of life, I would like to believe that I am maturing into a wise woman who still happens to enjoy brightly coloured cupcakes, wears bows and head-bands and size 3 shoes!

In my eyes, the very essence of life and growth is a sheer miracle! Today my sister and her hubby went to the doctor for her 5 month scan, and let me just get it out there as I am so excited I can’t contain myself, ‘I’m going to be an AUNT, and I am going to have a squishy NEPHEW’!!!!! So I suppose I will now need to bake bright BLUE cupcakes instead?!

The very first scan showed that this little ‘life’ in my sister’s tummy barely measured 6mm’s.  And the latest scan shows that he is now nearly the size of a ruler and has calf muscles that would make David Beckam jealous! Wow, the wonder of Creation Life!

 I was reminded again today, just how precious life is. I live near a hospital and today has been a high accident day, and I have heard plenty of ambulances rushing past. I hate the sound of the sirens. It’s still a real trigger for me. Not only does it remind me of when I myself needed emergency services to come to my rescue, but it also reminds me of the fragility of life.

 Life is fragile. It can end in a blink of an eye… So let’s celebrate life!

Celebrate the sights, the smells, the sounds,  and even the challenges because the fact that we are having them means that we still have Life!

So here is to growth, to life, to appreciating each and every moment and to making each and every moment count! Celebrate the small things, the big things and the growth in-between.

It is so wonderful to be alive!

Love,

Cayly

PS… I’m off to bake some extra sparkly and sprinkly cupcakes!

My nephew

Out of difficulties grow miracles

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Out of difficulties come miracles

Just a reminder

Break-ups to Break-throughs

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Today is a day of reflection for me. It’s a day where not everything makes sense but I know it will, eventually!  Six months ago my boyfriend of three years broke up with me. When you have cared dearly for someone it is never easy but this post is not a woe is me feel sorry for Cayly post nor is it intended as a bash the ex post.  I have struggled, overcome and learnt so much during the course of the last few months, that I am hoping that by being transparent and sharing my heart, it may encourage someone who is going through a break-up.

Never in a million years did I think the words BREAK-UP, that sound so cheesey and so commercialised, would have such an impact on my very own life. But lets face it, a break up (whether you are the break upper or the break upee) can reduce the most ‘macho man’ into a sniffling marshmallow, and the strongest, sassiest ‘I don’t give a damn girl’ into a Cadbury munching wreck!

It has felt as though I  have been on a ‘skrik vir niks’ roller-coaster ride with extreme highs and extreme lows with giddying and unexpected twists and turns (and those who know me well know that I have an intense dislike of fun fairs.  This girl is not an adrenalin junkie)

What doesn’t help matters either, is that no-one can really truly understand the essence of what you are going through, except the one who WAS in it with you (and they are no longer around).  I have developed a categorising technique in my life where people either ‘get it’ or they don’t. Hence I have the ‘gets it’ category and the ‘don’t get it’ category. Most are in the ‘don’t get it’ category as they really just don’t understand, either for lack of empathy or they just couldn’t be bothered. The ones that ‘get it’, wow what gems, they are the friends and family who always know what to say, when to keep quiet and when to just listen.

So on this day, I look back – and I look forward. I feel a mixture of sadness and gladness. Sadness at the pain of whom and what I have lost, but gladness at the beauty and adventure that lies ahead. Some day it will all make sense. As horrible as what pain can be, it is sometimes necessary to build character and mould us into the great warriors that God intends for us to be.

Without knowing the outcome or the bigger picture I have totally submitted my life and heart to God and said ’It’s Yours, You know what is best for it!’… and I know that God has a great man for me – a man who will love, honour,  cherish and want me.

A few (well quite a few) little pointers or tips on what I have learnt:

  • When people who really don’t get it, say ‘ah just move on’… just laugh, they don’t know what you have been through and are not putting themselves in your shoes
  • Don’t hold on to what isn’t healthy for your heart
  • You should NEVER have to convince someone to love you!
  • Don’t rebound with some short-term sleazy type character who is going to make you feel better now, but worse later
  • Don’t live to ‘get back’ at the other person, instead rather do things that build on your life and help you grow without focussing on what it will do to said person
  • Communicate with your friends and family around you, tell them how you need them to support you. They are not mind readers
  • Confide in TRUSTED and EXPERIENCED people. Telling your tale to some random is  not going to be constructive
  • Confiding in a member of the opposite sex who didn’t really know your ex or your story,  will only result in messy advice being given. Be careful who you take advice from
  • Take responsibility for your actions and don’t blame others for the choices you made.
  • Submit yourself and the healing process to God. (Easier said than done I am aware, but it is the best and guaranteed way). His love will NEVER fail, NEVER give in and NEVER run out on you!
  • Allow yourself to hurt. Feeling the pain is necessary (sweeping it under the carpet will not help). I am a firm believer in dealing with the pain. Obviously its painful, but pretending it isn’t there is not going to make it go away. I think if someone could develop medication to take the pain of heartbreak away, they would be mega wealthy!
  • Be kind to yourself.
  • Stand on the truth of what is right
  • Rome wasn’t built in a day. There is no quick fix.
  • Your focus should not be on finding a new partner. You are not defined by your boyfriend or girlfriend. Rather work on yourself and become the best you that you can become.
  • If you do need to persue and fight for that special person, get off the couch and do so!

Here’s to turning break ups into break throughs

Love,

A healing-hearted Cayly

Family first

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I am so blessed with an amazing family. I have always known this, but every so often, I am reminded  just how  truly blessed I really am!
Each one of our family members brings something unique to the tribe. We are far from perfect, but at the end of the day we love each other dearly and  would give up our lives for one another in the blink of an eye.
I seriously believe that if it wasn’t for God and my family I would still be a broken mess. I definitely wouldn’t be as far along the path of recovery as I am.  So today, I want to affirm and acknowledge my family.
My Parents are such gems.  Despite being treasures,  they do still drive me dilly at times, (Dad can be pedantic and Mom can be ott expressive) but mostly they are there to wholeheartedly love, support and encourage me.
My mom is my prayer warrior, she has a hotline to God that ALWAYS gets answered.  She is also my tea drinking companion during the nights when sleep eludes me.  Having said that she doesn’t ever need a second invitation to drink a cup of tea regardless of the time of day (or night!)  Mom is willing to give sacrificially for the good of others, including me.

My Dad, is such an amazing father. He  constantly models to me how a man treats a lady. He loves to bless me with little surprises like sometimes bringing me breakfast in bed (having a work from home Dad has advantages), going out of his way to cook and present delicious meals, writing me notes and loving and kind messages.  He also gives wonderful back massages! He is so kind and thoughtful.

My sister is like a best friend slash second mom . She is so creative, talented and the most caring and giving person I know. She has on many an occasion virtually taken the clothes off her back to give to me (it certainly helps that she has impeccable style and that she can afford to buy clothes that my non-existent student budget doesn’t permit ) haha

The three of them form my inner warrior tribe, then there is also my extended family and although too numerous to mention each by name, all are dearly loved, valued and appreciated.

I  have been doubly blessed with twin cousins who also happen to be my age too- and we are now known as the ‘triplets’.
Then there is my eccentric and amazing Ouma. Oh my word, I could write an article just about her because Oumie, Freesia May, is one of a kind!! She will be 88 next month but still has her hair& nails done once a week. She takes great care in herself and ALWAYS has a positive and happy disposition. You cant help but marvel at her! I’m not sure whether it is her sense of humour or the fact that she wears jeggings that people find the most incredulous! Last week whilst I was visiting her for tea,  she was watching the Tennis final between Nadal and Djokovic. I asked her who she would like to win the match. She answered in all seriousness, “Well, Nadal….” Thinking she was going to say Nadal must win…. “Nadal always scratches in his backside so I don’t want him to win!” hahahahahahaha!!! Trust my Oumie to be controversial!

I urge you, to always treat your family with honour and respect, even when you feel they don’t deserve it. Communicate with one another as much as possible because the seasons of life change and they won’t always be there (nor you for that matter).
I once read a quote that said. ‘never let a problem to be solved be bigger than a person to be loved’…  my family operates according to that motto!

I firmly believe that life is way too precious and short for regrets.
I chose to forgive my attackers  only hours after the traumatic ordeal because I was determined to not let anger and bitterness and unforgiveness rob my heart of what it was made for – it was made for life and love! anything other than that would rob me of  healing and recovery and my ability to continue living and loving.

So don’t go to sleep tonight or any night with anger in your heart. So go right now and hug one of your family members, or pick up that phone or do whatever you need to do…do it for the sake of their heart but especially your own.
I really like what Maya Angelou has to say about family, “I sustain myself with the love of family.” My sister recently got married, so I finally have a brother.

 

I thought I would share a photo of us looking all jolly and loving at her wedding. Have a great and blessed weekend

Love

Cayly

“My mission in life is …

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“My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style”
― Maya Angelou

a life motto

wise words

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“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.”
― Maya Angelou

Dance through life…

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Life is often perfectly summarised in lyrics. So often we will hear a song, and be like, ‘Hang on, did they write this song just for me?!’ Sometimes there are certain songs that get us really excited for something or help us through something. There are two special songs that I wanted to share with you, that have helped me through diffrent times. The first one is called Dance, by Jesus Culture. They are one of my favourite bands and I was privileged to see them live when they came to South Africa. I hadn’t heard this particular song until they performed it during that show. When they started performing I just couldn’t help but DANCE!! It is a perfect song to just dance to and lose yourself in. So often we need to just put everything down, put on our favourite music and just dance!

Music is so emotive, and is sometimes just what the heart needs! I really enjoy music and am quite surprised  that I wasn’t born with a musical instrument in my hands. In fact I don’t play any musical instrument at all..unless you count hitting pots and pans with spoons when you are two?! Who knows though…maybe just maybe I will learn to play an instrument? What you might ask? I’d love to play the drums.

The second song is called Dustbowl Dance, and is by an American band called Mumford and Sons. Wow.. these guys can make music! I really enjoy their style and lyrics. This song helps me when I’m not having the greatest of days and am feeling miserable. It’s the perfect song to let loose too!

On the topic of listening to music and letting loose, my mom definitely takes the cake for this one. Many a day I have come home to the Gypsy Kings BLARING! I could often hear it from outside the home, and upon entering would find my mom dancing around the house! ahahah! Good for her!! We should all do this, it helps free us and our emotions.

Have a listen and I hope you enjoy…. and don’t forget to just DANCE every now and then!!:)

Love,

Cayly

xx